Days Until Heartbreak/My Inspiration
he never takes my feelings into consideration but he used to be my inspiration part twenty of Days Until Heartbreak I don't know where I'm going. It's been a day since Ice came up to me and told me that we couldn't be together. The memory of our argument stays imprinted in my mind ever since. "Ice!" I purred when he pushed his way into the den, "How was the hunting?" I didn't try to pretend that he might have gone to see Shineblossom as always. "It was fine." He mewed curtly. I blinked at his harsh tone. "Are you okay?" His breathing is ragged and he looked almost haggard. "We can't be together, Sari. I've told you this before and I'll tell you again. This has to stop." I take a step back, staring at him. "Why? Does this have to do with ''Shineblossom?" I couldn't think of any other reason why Ice would try to push me away. Unless...'' "No, Sari, it doesn't. It's true, I ''am seeing her but...the truth is..." Ice's eyes meet mine. I almost see the anguish behind them but at that moment, all I can see is the hardness.'' "I don't like you." Sudden sobs build up within me. Why do I have so much faith in a tom who just breaks my heart over and over? Am I really just waiting for the day when he truly breaks my heart. Are the days until heartbreak really adding up? Or is he just testing me for some crazy reason? Am I really just tricking myself? The tears are coming fast but I shake me head furiously. I can't cry now. I must stay strong for the days to come. I straighten myself and take a deep breath. Whatever life - whatever Ice - throws at me, I'll have to be ready for them. One day, I'll figure everything out. For now... ...here I come. ~ I don't really know where I'm going. I haven't actually explored this part of the forest before. The cats are still avoiding me, as this is the part of the forest that the couples live in Aura's territory. When I was leader, we didn't hunt here since it was populated with other cats. But now...it seems like the only solace I can find. Perhaps I can be fortunate and find someone who's willing to take me until I can figure out where I'll go. I'm not even sure if I want to stay in this area anymore. I've always dreamed of running away with Ice after losing Aura, but it seems I can't even have that. What will I do now? "Stay back!" A terrified yowl startles me. I stop dead in my tracks. A kitten is lying before me, her flank bleeding from a rather deep wound. A she-cat is crouched a few tail-lengths away. "Don't touch her!" She shrieks, "I'll flay you alive if you touch a hair on her pelt!" I back away. But taking one look at the kit's pelt, I can tell the kit has been suffering for quite awhile. Perhaps the she-cat doesn't know anything about herbs. "I can help you," I mew quietly, "I know a few herbs that can help treat the kit's wounds." The she-cat blinks. "I know how to treat the wounds," she murmurs, "but I don't have the herbs to do it. The group next to us won't let me pick herbs where I used to. And I've been searching for hours for the right herbs but I can't find anything!" Rage overflows me. How could Aura reject such a she-cat? "I'll help you." The she-cat's eyes fill with gratitude, but she still looks wary. "Why would you do that?" She growls, "Are you doing it so you can take my kit as a repayment? If so, don't even bother!" I shake my head. "Why would you think that?" I ask softly, "I'm not going to take your kit or harm her. I just want to help you." The mother doesn't seem to believe me but she nods slowly. "I'll wait here for you." I return the nod and whirl around and race for the border. The kit doesn't have much time. Even if I have to take down Aura's cats just to get the herbs, I'll do it. I sniff the air quickly. I need to make sure nobody is nearby. Dock and marigold are rather deep into the territory, and the kit will need those to clean the wound and make sure it doesn't get infected. I'd rather not run into Aura or anyone I recognize, as that would only take time off my schedule. The scent is strong at the border. It's as if they've been really marking it. Aura must have some sort of plan in mind that I don't know of. I scout every few steps and try to make sure I can cover my tracks and disguise me scent. Hopefully I'll be long gone by the time they scent me in their territory. As I continue to make my way towards the center of the territory, I hear voices up ahead. I dart up a tree and wait, my breath bated. "Do you smell that?" Aura's clear voice sounds from below, "That's Sari. What's she doing so deep in our territory?" "Do you think she wants revenge?" A small voice squeaks. It sounds like a new she-cat that I don't know of. Aura hesitates before replying. "No, she never wanted revenge on us before. I hope she isn't trying to crawl her way back to us. She should know by now I tolerate none of her silliness." I bristle slightly. Aura's eyes are looking around. I can tell she's scanning the area for possible hiding places. Aura's usually not this harsh, even after I betrayed her. Why would she start with the insults now? Sure, I have been foolish, running off with a tom that only uses me, but I've also had good ideas. Then I realize she's trying to lure me out to either drive me off or imprison me again. I quiet down my breathing and try to stay still as she continues to let out the insults. "I can't believe a well behaved she-cat like her would do such a thing," Aura huffs, "Pearl, I expect none of this foolishness from you, alright? You cannot behave like that rogue or I'll throw you out before you can say mouse." A quiet but hesitant voice replies. "Whatever you say, Aura." Aura glances around once more. "I think she's gone for now. Let's scout the area and you can test out your tracking skills, Pearl." The tiny she-cat visibly relaxes. It seems the topic of being a traitor is a very touchy subject. It's always been after all. I sigh in relief when they're gone and lower myself from the tree. "I knew you were nearby." I jump in shock when Aura emerges again. "I sent Pearl ahead so now we're alone. What are you doing here again, Sari? Haven't I made it clear that I want you to stay away? I don't need you influencing the young she-cats." "I'm not here for anything." "Oh really?" Aura arches an eyebrow. "Well...I need a few herbs," I correct myself, "That's all I need though. I'm not here to interact or even influence your group, Aura. I don't want to cause any trouble." "You can do that by staying out." I meet her scathing glare. "I found a kit who's terrible injured. The mother wanted to get herbs but it seems you drove her out." "You did that all the time!" Aura argues, "I'm only inforcing the rules that you've once set up. It's only right that the territory remains to us. I've given them that section. We don't own it anymore. They can find their own herbs over there instead of intruding on our territory." "Well I plan on getting those herbs quickly and this is the only place I know of." Aura snickers. "Can't you ask your precious Ice to find some for you?" I can feel the tears gather up again at the mention of the white tom. I push away my feelings. "Aura, if you don't let me get the herbs, I'll get it by force. I'm not leaving without getting those herbs. I'm not leaving that kit to die! You may think of me as a freak, something vicious and unforgivable, but I'm not heartless!" The silver she-cat shakes her head. "If you weren't heartless you would be here with me right now, patrolling our territory." She turns and walks away. "Make it quick and make sure I don't see you again." "Thank you." She stops for a moment. "I'm not heartless either, Sari." And with that, she disappears again. I take a deep breath and plunge onwards. Thankfully, I manage to retrieve the herbs and get out of the territory before anyone found me again. When I reach the mother and the kit, the kit is barely alive. I drop off the herbs and back away. "You know how to treat her wounds, correct?" "I can do it fine, thank you," the mother mews curtly. I nod quickly and turn away. There's no need for me to inconvient the mother and her kit. I've caused enough trouble for today. "Really, thank you." The mother calls after me. I look back. The wary look is still there but she looks geniunely grateful for what I did for her. "No problem," I mew softly, "Take care." I get pretty far before someone steps in front of me. "I saw what you did for Heather. Her kit was attacked by a fox and left there to die. Nobody would help her because they didn't want to interfere with the rules that Aura set down for us." A rather old gray she-cat stands before me. "I recognized you the moment you got too close to the kit. I know your reputation. To be honest, when you left for the herbs, I thought you would never return. I've only seen you care for your own kind before." "I'm not heartless," I snap, "I can care, you know?" "Doesn't seem like it," the old she-cat retorts. "What's your point?" I hiss, "I have things to do if you don't mind." "Like what?" she interjects, "Wandering around, hoping that you'll find a suitable home in a place that doesn't want you?" Her words hit home. I take a small step back. "What's your problem?" I hold back a rush of tears, "I have enough to deal with without having to bother with cats who don't seem to notice that I'm in distress." "They notice," her words are soft, "but they don't do anything about it because they can remember the numerous times you did nothing for them." I don't know what to say. "But my point is that I'm offering you a place to live. I'm sure the other cats won't mind sharing for a few days until you can find your own home, hopefully with your own kind." "Where?" I blink. "A place where cats can live in harmony without fear." She looks back at me. "You're type of an inspirational home, ain't it?" I can tell this cat knows me like the back of her paw. I swish my tail. I have no choice now but the follow. "I guess you can say that," I shrug, "I have no home to compare it to however." When we do reach the camp, the cat sweeps her tail across in front of us. "Welcome, Sari, to your new home."